plenty of spare

PLENTY OF SPARE

Iris Scanner, a government flunky, had left him.
My friend from the Union Of Concerned Scientists,
far from landless but nonetheless displaced
- his good genes and stimulation all gone floppy dicked -
was philosophical.
"Marry at least three times", he said,
"The final spouse will prove cagey
when, well if, your obituary is written".
I pulled up a round and took notes.
Uncensored horse's mouth action is to be savoured.
Compelling findings put a spring in one's step
and nobody likes anything as much as I like everything.
So speak on my smart and single buddy.

"Well I made her a present of a bucket of onions,
tears on demand, 'cos I hate to take my work home
and anyway her department exists to deny the public tip top truth.
'Tis pity they are whores, those critter-like characters,
with their Coke vouchers, downloading Rage Against The Machine tracks for free,
made half torpid by the internet and broadcasters,
y'know - 'Your disaster never had the X factor,
your misery is too relentless to acknowledge,
your hurricane is too Stan and not enough Katrina'.
Small change in interest rates can make massive shifts mate,
but then I digress.

Environmental cover ups, food and drug crap,
headlines wearing replica vet's jackets -
'Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out'.
My work kidnapped by sentimentalists, bread heads and religious zealots
and Iris has effed off
- with a PR guy from a medicine manufacturers, no less,
salty wound style -
and so I need a woman obviously,
otherwise, running on full tanks, I die sour.
Was thinking Classified -
y'know, 'Would like to meet young World class smile,
Vegetarian (but not too keen on mushrooms or bananas),
You would like to be a pirate but probably work in a wine store,
Must be beautiful beyond belief and have unbounded confidence'.
What do you reckon?"
Lustily, I put my note book away and shouted up again