former florist to the queen

FORMER FLORIST TO THE QUEEN

After the last mouthful of octopus i finished off my wine
Brushed the dandruff of my suit 'cos it was nearly time
To pack the tub of jellied pigs brain, champagne and vasoline
And meet the former florist to the queen

Like every other former florist's friend, my stride was one of glee
My trews felt a young Brigitte Bardot sitting on their knee
I said ciao to desperation, adios my oldest mate
Gott in Himmel I've gone all foreign 'cos I've got a tete-a-tete
Could feel the tentacles, taste chardonnay snogging the nicotine
Could sense the former florist to the queen

When all around you sucks the big one and so seemingly youth blows
And the bulk of conversation comes from a tickle in the nose
You gotta grab all hints of happiness and put the kids to bed
Enjoy the wash, embrace the whole gamut from A to Z
In the cemetary i got thinking this and so much more
The politics of envy is the unwelcome son in law
When the Sally Army's synths outblast the tambourine
God bless the former florist to the queen

Y'know that cause for consternation is the creamiest of tastes
Peace, love and understanding begin grassing up their mates
And showing off and dumbing down's the order of the day
When "The Phantom Of Liberty" gets remade in LA
Well, I guess, it's horses for courses but when I turn up at the races
I like it right handed and good to firm (But soft in places)
Not concerned with the winning post, 'tis the taking part that counts
I'll touch my forehead for the chance and smile when I dismount
I never sweat to make the weight, I love the whole routine
Ride for the former florist to the queen

Some say that life's too short for sport and turn up the radiators
Think fun begins with "You've Been Framed" and ends with "Gladiators"
Alternatively they head for the hills swift as Andrei Kanchelskis
Looking to get off their tits whereas I wanna get on someone else's
And I do not have the stomach for a diet of quasi edification
Go suck yer thumb, I'm well travelled in my imagination
The intellectual snobbery full of olives, hummus and feta
Tells me all the Greek that I should know but my simplicity is better
Than a cabinet of Ouzo and other fillings for the skip
I'm going round the bend for a skinfull with her ladyship
And in her back passage I'm filled with so much joy it is obsene
Epainos the former florist to the queen

Now please excuse me folks for the long winded digression
But even I can get too verbose when making my confession
Of course I understand that actions speak louder than words
And if you wanna ignore my sweet nothings I'll go tell it the birds
Well I might react slow but ipso facto
I'm in no rush to see the inexact go
To hell with precision and the frown on it's face
When the former florist's knees are on the pillowcase
The regimented prod to me is just a little prick
In the rear end 'cos my hand holds a three card trick
And I never even think of the arithmetic
If it don't add up? Well I know when I'm licked
And the reason for my laundry was far from unforseen
Aah the former florist to the queen

Well you either get the picture or you could not give a toss
And if you don't dig flower arranging then that's your loss
OK you've had your fill of looney tunes - enough is enough
Of the self obsessed lovestruck buffoons and all that stuff
But if art is a hammer and the mirror a frivolity
Well pardon I and stuff yer grant I'll keep my jollity
Are you gonna tell the dancers to stop feeling good?
You gonna get your chopper out 'cos I've got wood?
The painting is a facsimile the vase of marigolds is fact
And her bouquet it is formidable, truly well stacked
As Lenin said as we strive let's not forget the celebration
The former florist is surely that - A Great British education
And though for now I'm all awash with spermicide
Come the revolution I'll be marching at your side
My skull and pants are packed with nitroglycerine
Thanks to the former florist to the queen